A different kind of fan narrative. ^^
I found this tract on the table at my house and I thought “Oh shit, my parents are on to me” but I read it anyway.
I got to this page about bananas and I AM DYING. COULD THEY HAVE DESCRIBED BANANAS IN ANY MORE SENSUAL DETAIL? I now know that bananas:
- Are shaped for the human hand. Wow ok. Bananas are into humans exclusively. I didn’t know they were like that.
- Have a non-slip surface because they want your greedy hands all over them.
- Are shaped for the human mouth. That’s a little forward of you, banana, but tell me more.
- Are cool, environmentally friendly fruit that like long walks at sunset and getting naked at the drop of a hat.
- Have a point at the top for easy entry. Not sure how I feel about the word point there but ok let’s do this.
- Are tasty. So fucking tasty. Perfectly made for a little tongue action.
- Are curved toward the face because they’re really easy.
The banana striptease diagram is even helpfully numbered so you know how to treat your banana right.
It’s funny also, because wild bananas are not like this. The curved, seedless banana is a result of selective breeding.
What… no mention of how apes/chimps eat bananas? And in fact eat black ones? And in fact peel them differently and more efficiently? XD
This is what we need reported more in the media-positive stories
god
(via curious-plebeian)
MY FRIEND APRIL JUST TOLD ME THAT A GUY IN HER DORM BUILDING HAS A TATTOO OF A CAT RIDING A PIZZA SKATEBOARD AND IT SAYS “GET MEOWTA HERE”
i wasn’t kidding okay
AMAAAAAAZZZINGGG!
robert downey junior is a cat.
you can’t convince me otherwise.
Awwwwww
(via boyyouregonnahurtsomeone)
I might not be able to not smile right now.
MY PLAN IS WORKING PERFECTLY. MUAHA.
im so glad #A!! hurray for this bullshit being over
*wibble* Aww Ransty… thank you! :D I hope you’re doing well, too. ^^
